For at least the last several years, I've hardly ever bought books, and when I did, it was only one or two at a time. I'd managed to stockpile so many books that I hadn't read yet, and I was determined to get through them all. That felt very intimidating at the time because I had stacks upon stacks. It was hard just to keep track of which books were the ones I hadn't read, and I still sometimes wonder if I managed to lose track of one or two of them here or there.
Now it's different though. As it turns out, I was successful at reading them all, even if it took years. I still have books sitting around that I haven't read, but it's at a much more manageable level. One where I can easily tell that I will manage to make it through all the books.
While that does feel satisfying. I definitely like knowing that I managed to get through the books, but despite the feeling of accomplishment, there's this new sort of worry that's taken over me. It's probably due in part to my personality, but there's also the fact that I've constantly had unread books sitting on my shelves for years. Now it feels like I'm at the tail end of that, and I'm starting to feel almost nervous that I'll read them all and have nothing left to read.
I know that feeling is ridiculous. Even if I were to never buy another book, libraries exist. As do free ebooks on Amazon, although the quality of those is hit or miss. I'm never going to be completely without access to new books to read. (I hope.)
Yet I've mentioned in my last couple of monthly wrap-ups and TBRs on my Youtube channel that I've purposefully slowed down the pace that I'm reading books at, even going as far as cutting my Goodreads reading goal for the year nearly in half. Now you know why. Maybe it's an irrational decision. I don't know. I'm still reading, of course, but it is taking me what feels like a ridiculously long time to get through the book I'm currently reading.
Who knows what all of this means about my reading habits in the immediate future, but that's how I'm feeling right now. That will also probably mean fewer book reviews here on the blog and over on Youtube. Saying all of that sounds too over the top though. Obviously I'm still reading. None of this is really that big of a deal. Now I feel like I'm making some somber announcement when really I just wanted to blurt out some feelings that I've been feeling, and now I'm realizing that I also have no idea how to conclude this. (I also probably wrote this too late at night.)